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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

- George F Burns

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

- Agatha Christie

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

- Erma Bombeck

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither

- Drew Carey

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans,

- John Lennon

I started out with nothing. I still have most of it.

- Michael Davis

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